Back to School

I don't know what is weirder, starting school on a Friday or starting on the 8th day of August! We have now survived 3 whole days of school. No one has been lost in the dungeons of DTHS or PVMS. I've been told it is impossible to eat lunch at DTHS because of the hordes of students converging on the lunch line and the snack machines are too sensitive to take a wrinkled dollar. Luckily, no one has perished from starvation, YET.

Coolest gift ever

One of the best Christmas gifts I ever got was a poem. Miranda wrote her version of "Where I'm From" and framed it for me. I decided to write my own for my mom. Consider writing one for yourself. Use this template to get you started. Here's my poem.

WHERE I'M FROM


I am from apron strings, from Red Man, and rabbit dogs.
I am from the house up the dirt path.
I am from the magnolia, the tobacco, and the red clay.
I am from strawberry waffles on Christmas and strong-willed determination,
from Luby Rand and Bertha Ann and the McLains.
I am from stubbornness and witty sarcasm.
From meaner-than-a-two-headed-snake and too-independent-for-your-own-good.
I am from the hand of the Creator and saved by Grace.
I'm from North Carolina, collard greens, and sweet tea.
From the Pa who “took away” warts, the Granny who let me drink coffee, the Daddy taken so young, and the Mama who persevered through it all.
I am from shoe boxes full of photos we will caption “next time” with their crew cuts, shining eyes, and dark lips smiling up at me.


Wendy Renee Windham McLain
2008

Make your kids feel bad?

Maybe the biggest thing that stuck out for me in Chapter 6, was that you SHOULD make your kids feel bad -- for bad behavior and wrong thinking.

When children deliberately say contrary things and challenge everything their parents say, Rosemond suggests this is evidence of wrong thinking and considers it misbehavior in need of discipline. What sort of discipline? Let's say you've just commented on how bright and blue the sky seems today and your child insists it is green or even red. If the child is very young you may have him/her sit in a chair until they are willing to agree with the parental statement. If the child is old enough to write, perhaps you have them write lines: "the sky is blue" 100 times.

Another situation to correct swiftly is a child throwing a tantrum or laughing/crying inappropriately. The child should be removed from the setting, be talked to sternly, and made to apologize.

Some scary statistics:
Of 5110 waking hours per year...
1260 are spent at school
360 are spent on homework
208 are spent on after school activities
1040 are spent watching TV (that's 3 hours a day)
365 are spent on video/computer games
365 are spent on the Internet
365 are spent with friends
365 are spent with toys or doing nothing
104 are spent in youth group
That leaves 678 hours of parental influence - of which the parents are probably busy half that time - leaving only about 339 hours.

Some tough questions:
Are you willing to remove TV and computer from the child's bedroom? Are you willing to cut back on your own use of TV and computer to be more available to your child?

Scared pee-less

I really thought it would be fine. I mean Trixie is nervous around thunder and lightening, but she has gotten better because I don't baby her when we hear/see it. So I figure Friday was a good time to get her desensitized to other loud noises. The girls had just a few fireworks to light and a the whole family went out to watch. I put Trixie on a leash to keep her close to me on the porch. The first thing they lit shot sparkles straight up, but it wasn't loud. Trixie started dancing around and whining. Still, I thought if I stayed calm she would calm down too. I didn't count of the neighbor lighting fireworks... He happened to light one that shot sparkles all around in a spinning circle and made firecracker pops. Trixie took off for the door. Her reflex was quicker than mine. She pulled her leash from my hand and didn't stop until she hit her head on the wood. I ran after her to pick her up and soothe her. She was so scared she peed on us both. I watched the rest of the fireworks from the kitchen window, but Trixie was so scared she cowered in her bed. I couldn't get her to go outside for the rest of the night. Even the next morning she was still a little afraid.

Unity in marriage

Am I too focused on my kids? Do I spend more time and attention with them than with my husband? According to Rosemond (2007) when God said in Genesis 2:24 that the husband is to be united to his wife and they become one flesh, it means more than a physical relationship. It also means "no other relationship or enterprise of any sort should come before their relationship with each other (p.117)." Wow. Like so many things it is pretty easy to read, much harder to comprehend and put into practice.

What percentage of time do you spend in a parental role vs. a spousal role? Most folks fall into to 90% parent/ 10% spouse category. A better ratio would be 40%/60%, but ideally partners should strive for 25% parent / 75% spouse. You have to spend time on the marriage relationship to strengthen the family as a whole. So what can I do to improve my ratio?

1. Take time to help hubby with outdoor chores.
2. Go for a joy ride with him in the convertible.
3. Schedule a date night - be willing to see action/adventure movies :-)
4. Remember to parent together as a team. Don't allow the kids to "play" us against each other.


Rosemond suggests that the result of being too child focused is that children lack good model of strong marriage; they develop sense of entitlement; they don't receive appropriate discipline, and finally, when it is time for them to move out they don't want to because they have it too easy at home.

Reference:

Rosemond, J. (2007). Parenting by the Book: Biblical wisdom for raising your child. Howard Books: New York.

"McParenting"

So last night our Parenting class met. We raced through 3 chapters, but still managed to have a good time discussing what we learned. One of the most striking concepts for me was Short term vs. Long Term parenting. Which would you choose for your child when she is 30? Ivy League education/career and life with no morality OR a job she finds fulfilling and a heart for God and others. That is not to say that life will be "either/or" but often we parents get caught up in the external measures of success vs. the internal growth in our kids. I know I am guilty of getting sucked into the pursuit of straight A report cards. Do I spend that much time cultivating strong character traits in my kids? I'm going to give that some serious thought over the next few days...

WordPic

Thanks to Conner, I can post the word pic now!

A Wordle...

Follow the link to a Word Picture of the Parenting course. Wordle is a cool toy! (couldn't figure out how to make it a clean link)


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Video Stars

So, I'm trying to be consistent about blogging... at least while I'm participating in this Parenting course. We've had a couple of weeks off due to Father's Day and summer vacation schedules. Last night I contributed to a video that RCC is creating to let folks know about an upcoming session of the course. I had the benefit of watching another couple answer questions first, so it was a little less weird when it was my turn. The questions I answered were:

Q. Why did you like this course?
A. I read lots of books. Participating in the course is better for me for several reasons a) it keeps me motivated to read regularly and retain the material for discussion; b)in discussions with other participants you hear the same material through a variety of experiential lenses; c) you learn that their kids are not perfect either - they are normal/average kids just like yours.

Q. Have you applied anything you've learned in the course?
A. I'm really slow sometimes, but I eventually catch on. See my "Yes or No" post for an example.

Q. How has your parenting changed as a result of the course?
A. The course reinforces the concept of the husband being the authority figure in the home. I've consciously tried to step back and let my husband take the lead where I may have micromanaged a situation. It really works better when he is in control.

So, that's it. Coming to a church sanctuary real soon. I'll be a video star. AND I'll sink into the seat in embarrassment to see myself on the screen. So will my kids!

Yes or No?

So I've been reading this parenting book by John Rosemond. One of the ideas that stuck with me is "let your yes be yes and your no be no". This will drastically reduce whining, cajoling, and begging from your kids. Now in my brain this sounds good. In reality, I fail to live up to this advice - daily. Yesterday, I had an opportunity to see the principle at work with one of my kids. It was dinner time and M. didn't think she would like what I made. She asked if she could make a sandwich to go along with it. Unthinking... I responded like this:

• Mom: You know, I bought the sandwich stuff for your lunches this week.
• Kid: Well, there is plenty of bread. Can I just make a sandwich for me?
  
• Mom: I'd rather you not.
• Kid: Would you just tell me yes or no? I don't know what you want me to do.
• Mom: (still reasoning and explaining...) I was hoping you were mature enough to figure it out.
• Mom: (coming to her senses...) Oh, the answer is no. Eat the food I made for dinner!

Hooray, God showed me with a very clear example - directly from my own kid's mouth, that they really want clear, concise answers. Let yes=yes and no=no. Keep feelings and hints out of the situation.

Summer is here

Welcome to Louisiana, summer is here. The kids are out of school and completely bored already. I can hardly blame them. I understand how quickly you can become bored when one day is just like another. I've been looking to shake things up lately. Maybe a few work projects will get me excited again. Until then, I'm so much more interested in my home life than my work life.

Puppies = happiness

Ok, so at some point I'll start working on this blog again. Until then, I'm just head over heels for my new dachshund puppy, Trixie.

Time Flies

Since the Learning 2.0 effort ended, I haven't had a reason to blog. However, I'm thinking I just need to practice. I'd like to learn the various functionality and brag about my blog savvy to my kids. Not that they will be impressed or anything. Here are a few things I want to learn:

1. How to post pictures inside my blog.
2. How to link a YouTube video to my blog post.
3. How to send a post from my phone.
   
4. Oh, I'm sure there's more...

Some of the less technical things I want to figure out include: why bother to blog anyway? can blogging achieve a purpose (that I care about)? and can it be done "for pennies a day" i.e. less than 10 minutes. So I'll be pondering what I want my blog to morph into over the next few days... And maybe, just maybe I'll start posting again.